


Stay-at-Home

by sahiya



Series: The Ties That Bind [4]
Category: White Collar
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Kid Fic, Parenthood, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-01
Updated: 2013-08-01
Packaged: 2017-12-22 01:22:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/907220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sahiya/pseuds/sahiya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being a stay-at-home parent was tedious and exhausting, and sometimes it was really gross. But there were moments every day when Neal realized just how drastically his life had changed - and how grateful he was that it had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay-at-Home

**Author's Note:**

> The carrier that Neal uses is the [Ergo carrier](http://store.ergobaby.com/). Apparently it's the only one worth buying, or so my friends with kids tell me.
> 
> Thanks to Fuzzyboo for beta reading!

The thing about being a stay-at-home parent, Neal discovered pretty quickly after his daughter was born, was that it never stopped. It was tedious and exhausting, and sometimes it was really gross. 

But there were moments every day that more than made up for it. Moments that Neal wouldn’t trade for anything, not even to hold the _Mona Lisa_. Moments when he realized just how drastically his life had changed - and how grateful he was that it had. 

**I. 5:45AM**

Early mornings were sheer magic. 

That hadn’t always been true. Those first couple of months when Neal was getting up with Sofie at midnight and again at three, Sara’s 5:45AM alarm had made him want to die. He’d pulled the pillow over his head and tried to eke out some small amount of sleep while Sara nursed Sofie in the rocking chair by the window, too exhausted to possibly appreciate how precious those moments were. 

But now, at five months, Sofie was finally (thank God) sleeping through the night. Neal was able to appreciate mornings again, though he still didn’t get up when the alarm went off. He stayed in bed while Sara got up, drifting to the soft sounds of Sara waking Sofie. He didn’t really open his eyes until Sara crawled back into bed, Sofie cradled in her arms. 

“Morning,” Sara murmured to him - to both of them - as Sofie latched on and started nursing. Neal rolled over to rest his head against Sara’s hip. She threaded her fingers into his hair.

“Good morning,” Neal replied. Soft morning light was filling the room. He could hear the steadily increasing hum of early morning traffic outside, but inside was a perfect bubble of himself and Sara and Sofie. He listened to Sara’s quiet breathing and the soft smacking sounds of Sofie nursing, and thought that no moment in his life had ever been more perfect that this. 

He knew when Sofie had finished by the way Sara’s weight shifted on the bed. He rolled onto his back and held his arm out. 

Sara tucked Sofie into the crook of it. “Meet for lunch?” she asked quietly. 

Neal pulled Sofie, already drowsing again, closer against his body. “You bet.”

Neal fell back to sleep easily with Sofie’s warm weight cradled against his body. When he woke again, Sara had gone, and it was time to warm a bottle of breastmilk from the fridge and start the day. Mozzie had said he might drop by, and there was lunch with Sara to look forward to. But nothing beat those first few minutes after the alarm went off. 

**II. The Peter Burke-Sofie Ellis-Caffrey Mutual Admiration Society**

Neal had been a little worried about Peter when Sara had first gotten pregnant. He didn’t doubt for a second that Peter would love their child, but Peter had proven himself to be a bit, well, _awkward_ when it came to actually interacting with kids. 

It turned out that Neal really need not have worried. Peter had clearly adored Sofie from the moment Neal had put her in his arms, and once Sofie’d learned how to focus her eyes and distinguish one fuzzy, noisy blob from another, she’d adored him right back. Sofie could be bawling her eyes out, but if Peter picked her up, she was suddenly all smiles. 

Neal was just a little jealous about that particular talent of Peter’s, if nothing else. There’d been plenty of times Neal himself had picked Sofie up and she’d just kept on screaming. 

That morning, Neal had to drop off some work that he’d done for Peter. Peter had offered to pick it up, but Neal liked going into the office every once in a while. It made him feel like he was still part of the team, even if he was _very_ part-time these days. Plus, it wasn’t actually that hard to leave the house with Sofie. He just strapped her to his chest in her Ergo carrier, slung the diaper bag over his shoulder, and off they went. 

There were plenty of people in the white collar office who wanted to hold Sofie, but Peter had first dibs. They were barely in the door before he swooped in to pluck her right out of the carrier. “Hey there, Sofes,” he said, expertly holding her to his shoulder. “How’s it going?” 

“Hi Peter,” Neal said pointedly. 

“Oh hey, Neal,” Peter said, distractedly. 

Neal shook his head and exchanged a rueful smile with Diana. He shrugged out of the Ergo and dropped it and the diaper bag on his old desk, which was standing empty for the moment, awaiting Peter’s next probie. “You want to give her a bottle?” he asked Peter, fishing one out of the bag. “She’s probably about ready for one.”

“Sure,” Peter said, and the two of them headed up the stairs into Peter’s office. Peter settled himself in his desk chair, Sofie in the crook of his arm, and offered her the bottle. She flailed her arms, but she wasn’t at the point of being able to grab it herself. Peter held it for her, looking down at her with a soft smile. 

Neal surreptitiously took out his phone. He snapped a photo of the two of them, then texted it to both El and Sara. To Sara he wrote, _We might have to have another one just so he doesn’t spoil her rotten._

Sara wrote back, _Only if you’re the one getting pregnant this time, Caffrey._

Neal laughed. Peter glanced up. “What?”

Neal shook his head, still smiling. “Nothing.”

**III. An old friend**

“Oh my God.”

Neal froze. He’d have known that voice anywhere, even if it’d been years now since he’d last heard it. Somehow, the last place he’d ever expected to hear it was in Central Park on a lovely spring afternoon, while out for a walk with his daughter. “Hi, Alex,” he said, turning. 

Alex shook her head, eyes riveted on Sofie, who was strapped to Neal’s chest. “Mozzie told me, but I didn’t actually _believe_ him. I thought it was his way of telling me you were off limits for jobs.”

Neal shrugged. “Well, I am.” 

“Yeah. I sort of . . . got that.” Alex cleared her throat. “So. Um. Does she have a name?”

“Sofia,” Neal said. “Sofie for short. Sofie Ellis-Caffrey.” He thought about asking Alex if she wanted to sit down, maybe even hold Sofie, but he didn’t think Alex would take him up on it. And he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted her to. 

“Ellis,” she said. “The insurance investigator.” 

“Sara,” Neal corrected. “And yes.”

Alex frowned. “Was it . . . on purpose?”

Neal swallowed a laugh. “Yeah, it was. We wanted a baby, so we had one. People do it all the time, you know.”

“Not people _I_ know,” Alex said, and Neal thought that was probably true. Almost no one in the life had kids. It was a bad idea. “Not people like us. And now, you’re what, a stay-at-home dad?”

Neal nodded. “Mostly. I still do some work for Peter.”

Alex made a face. “Stay-at-home parent and working for the FBI. I think I’d rather die.”

“Well, fortunately, I’m not you,” Neal said, suddenly rather nettled. “If you don’t mind, I need to get Sofie home for her nap.” He turned on his heel and walked away, keeping himself calm by taking deep, even breaths. If he got upset, Sofie would get upset, too.

“Wait, Neal,” he heard Alex say. He kept walking, but he couldn’t run, not with Sofie in the Ergo, and she caught up with him quickly, stopping him with a hand on his arm. He turned to face her. “I didn’t mean that to come out the way it did. I’m sorry. I just . . . it’s a shock, you know. I just can’t imagine . . . but you’re really happy? You’re not bored?”

“No,” Neal said. “I’m not bored.” It was true. There were moments when being a stay-at-home dad was boring, but he wasn’t bored. “And yeah, I am happy.” He hesitated. Alex still looked baffled, and he guessed he really couldn’t blame her. He sighed. “Who I was before - I fell into it, and I was good at it, but it was never who I wanted to be when I grew up.”

Alex frowned. “Who did you want to be?”

Neal looked down at his daughter’s head, which rested against his chest. He cupped the back of her head in his palm. “This, I think. Maybe not in specifics, but more or less.” The family and the home he’d never had after his father had left. Even the career in law enforcement. Sort of, anyway.

“Huh.” She blinked. “Well . . . all right then.” She glanced at her watch. “I have to go. I have a - thing.”

A meet, in other words. Neal nodded. “Good luck, Alex.”

“Thanks. You, too, Caffrey.” 

She turned and walked away. Neal pressed his lips to the top of Sofie’s head. He breathed in the sweet baby-smell of her, and thought that he didn’t need luck. 

He already had all the luck in the world.

_Fin._


End file.
